Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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