once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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