it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
