last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
