Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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