I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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