its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
