Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
