even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
