Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize