RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
