Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
