Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
His nipple licking is glorious
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