All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
