The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
