Already got asked if we're dating
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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