is your mom at the bar?
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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