Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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