A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
