ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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