im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
