Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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