can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
