Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
