i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
