She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
