i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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