Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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