For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Randomize
