I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
