i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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