after a month anything with tits is on the radar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
