I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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