I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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