I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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