I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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