I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
