i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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