I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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