he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
