I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
