You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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