Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
