Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
