you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
