you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I am available for nakedness
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
