last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
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