college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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