You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
