So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
