i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I just cut my nipple shaving
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You ruined the universe
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
