I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
