Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
