Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I need to sanitize my soul.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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