My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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