Please, let me fuck your mom
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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