I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I'm always down for nudity.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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