jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
