I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
