my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Randomize
