Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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